Team Graeme

Today we had a memorial service for Graeme in St Mark's Church where Graeme's funeral was held. We were surprised and delighted that about 40 people attended which for a Sunday at 12.15 was fantastic and again showed how much Graeme meant to people. The service took place after the normal Sunday Service in the Church.

Rachel read a piece she had written about Graeme and about how much he inspires her in death as much as in life. She then read a lovely poem that she had come across. I will have to get the title of the poem from Rachel when she gets back to London.

I had not written anything beforehand. I just got up and mentioned how much we had been helped by people over the past year. I said that on occasion we may have done something enjoyable and then felt guilty because Graeme was not with us. To counteract this feeling of guilt I said that I listened to a CD I have in the car that Graeme had compiled and this makes me think about him.

Again it was another emotional event and we really appreciate it that people felt moved to come to the service. After the service many of them came back to the house for a sandwich and a drink.

Later on in the afternoon Anne, Rachel, Jackie and I went to a service organised by the Butterwick Hospice. This was to remember all those who had died in the past year of cancer and who had been cared for by Butterwick staff either in the hospice or at home like Graeme. The names of all these people were read out and a relative or friend went to receive a candle for them. Rachel went to get Graeme's candle.

All in all a very emotional weekend and we knew that it would be. We now start our second year without Graeme wondering how we have managed to get through the first.

Thank you to everyone who has helped.

This is what I [tried to] read out at the memorial service yesterday:

When Graeme died a few people told me that Graeme would continue to live on in the hearts and minds of those who love him. I never doubted the sincerity of the people who told me this but I wondered why they thought it would be of any comfort to be able to remember Graeme when it goes without saying that we just wanted to have him here on earth with us, to make us laugh, give us giant bear hugs, care for us, sometimes infuriate us but above all to love us. I would still choose all of those things above having just the memory of a fantastic brother, but I have come to understand in the last year that Graeme does live on in me because he continues to inspire me in death just as he did in life.

As an example, a few of us took part in the Great North Run about a month ago. I can't speak for the others but I wouldn't have managed it without Graeme. It sounds cliched but I thought about him every step of the way and anytime I felt tired and wanted to stop I kept reminding myself of the determination and dignity he demonstrated through all his pain and suffering and it motivated me to keep on going. It may not come anywhere close to being able to discuss the ins and outs of an episode of the West Wing with him, but I am grateful that I have so many amazing memories of Graeme that he does live on and I will take him with me wherever I go. I hope that you all find similar comfort from your memories. I just wanted to read a poem that I came across last week which I would like to think Graeme is saying to each of us right now:

To my dearest family some things I'd like to say
But first of all to let you know that I arrived today,
I'm writing this from Heaven. Here I shall dwell with God above
Here, there's no more tears of sadness. Here is just eternal love.

Please don't be unhappy just because I'm out of sight
Remember that I am with you every morning, noon and night.
That day I had to leave you when my life on earth was through
God picked me up and hugged me and He said "I welcome you,"

"It's good to have you back again, you were missed while you were gone,
As for your dearest family, they'll be here later on.
I need you here badly, you are part of my plan
There's so much that we have to do to help our mortal man."

God gave me a list of things that he wished for me to do
And foremost on the list was to watch and care for you
And when you lie in bed at night, the days chores put to flight
God and I are closest to you . . in the middle of the night.

When you think of my life on earth and all those loving years
Because you are only human, they are bound to bring you tears
But do not be afraid to cry, it does relieve the pain
Remember there would be no flowers, unless there was some rain.

There are many rocky roads ahead and many hills to climb
But together we can do it by taking one day at a time.
It was always my philosophy and I'd like it for you too...
that as you give unto the world, the world will give to you.

If you can help somebody who's in sorrow and in pain,
then you can say to God at night...."My day was not in vain."
And now I am contented...that my life has been worthwhile,
knowing as I passed along the way, I made somebody smile.

So if you meet somebody who is sad and feeling low,
Just lend a hand to pick him up, as on your way you go
When you're walking down the street and you've got me on your mind
I'm walking in your footsteps, only half a step behind
And when it's time for you to go . . from that body to be free
Remember you're not going . . you're coming home to me.